A Moment of Clarity: Finding Purpose in Life's Uncertainties
It was an ordinary Thursday morning. As I followed my usual skincare routine at 9 AM, gently pressing a toner-soaked cotton pad against my skin, a fleeting thought took root in my mind—one so vivid it felt real.
Just moments before, "Dadi" had told me he was going to take a nap, and I simply responded, "Go ahead." But as I looked at myself in the mirror, an image formed in my head: I was sitting in a doctor's office, listening as he delivered life-altering news.
I had an illness—one that was serious and costly to treat.
My chest tightened at the thought. Here I was, an average person who had only recently begun earning better, finally experiencing things I had once only dreamed of. I had started setting bigger goals, believing in a brighter future. And yet, if such a moment came, would I be financially prepared? Would I be emotionally ready?
I wasn’t. Who ever is?
Goosebumps covered my skin, and before I knew it, tears streamed down my face. Strangely, as my emotions poured out, I felt lighter—as if a heavy burden had been lifted. My long list of dreams suddenly condensed into just a few deeply meaningful goals:
Work as hard as I can, for as long as I can.
To secure my child’s future.
To prepare for the financial burden my family might bear when my time comes.
To support my parents, ensuring they have a business to keep them busy and financially stable.
To help Dadi save for himself. I might no longer push for the idea of building a house together—if I’m gone, I wouldn’t want him to feel lonely there. I want him to have the means to move forward, surrounded by family and friends.
To buy a car because it’s something Dadi has always wanted.
To maintain a balance between work and life, so we can still travel and create cherished memories together.
To my Dadi, thank you so much for your life, for the love you've given me, for being such a great friend, an awesome adviser, a gentle lover—no one can ever take your place in my heart. I love you so much. Please continue to believe in God, in yourself—you have the power to turn your dreams into reality. With your determination and persistence, you're limitless. Just always be reminded to stay humble and, above all, happy. I will watch you from where I'd be.
To my dear son, you're my everything. I wouldn't have gotten to a better stage in life if not because of you. You have been my inspiration from the moment I realized I conceived you. You are God's greatest blessing to me. In all of Dadi's goals and mine, you're part of it. Please continue to be the confident, loving, friendly person that you are. I love you to the heavens and back.
To my family, thanks for everything. For your love and support when I was younger, for keeping me motivated in your way now that I'm older. You've always been included in my plans. I've always wanted to give you a better life. I hope that I've somehow made you happy. I pray that you continue to live your lives the Lord has blessed you with, with a peaceful mind and happy hearts. Love you!
I found myself envisioning what would happen after I was gone. I would want my brother to stay with my parents in the province—a place of peace, surrounded by nature and beaches. I would want my final resting place to be there as well.
I also thought about my best friend. I am sorry for leaving you with the burden of handling everything on my behalf. I will entrust you with my bank account credentials so that you can share them with my family when I am no longer around. Please keep in touch with Gian, Dadi, and my family to check on them. More than anything, I want you to keep going—to love yourself more, stay happy, and be healthier.
I am truly blessed to have you in my life. God has given me the gift of you and our dear friends, the RHBillers. I am grateful for every moment we've shared, for your unwavering support, and for the joy you've brought into my life. I want you all to continue living happily, to follow your hearts' desires, and to embrace life to the fullest.
When my time comes, I promise to look over you all from wherever the Lord will take me.
But in the midst of all these thoughts, another realization dawned upon me: I don't want to be ill. I don't want to leave my loved ones burdened or in sorrow. More than anything, I need to take better care of myself. I need to be healthier. I want to be a better partner, mother, daughter, friend—a better person in every way.
Beyond my personal circle, I also want to give back. I would love to serve the Lord by helping others, including the animals I hold dear—cats, dogs, and bunnies.
"Whoever is kind to the needy honors God." — Proverbs 14:31
At that moment, gratitude washed over me. I love my life. I cherish the people around me. This unexpected reflection humbled me, reminding me of what truly matters.
If there’s anything I’d like to leave with others from this experience, it’s this: Life is fleeting. Love deeply. Work toward your dreams, but don’t let them overshadow the present. Take care of yourself. Give back. Find peace in the things that truly matter. And above all, trust in the Lord’s plan.
Thank You, Lord, for this moment of clarity. Thank You for the life You have given me.
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