Other People's Opinions Vs. My Feelings

Once in a personal coaching session I was asked the following questions: 

1. Why are other people's opinions important to me?
2. If other people did not agree with me how would I feel?
3. If I were to do what I want to do and not care about other people's opinions, how would I feel?

To start, I'd like to share that not only is my employer an awesome leader, she is also a fantastic personal coach. She cares a lot about her team as if they're real family. I am so grateful for being one of the lucky team members who's blessed with the opportunity to work with her. 

A couple of weeks before our scheduled coaching session, I experienced emotional distress. 

I would often cry without any clear reason why. 

I would work, but my mind would just float in imaginary realm. 

I would sleep, but each time I woke, I felt as if I hadn't slept at all. 

It was very tiring. I was exhausted. 

I felt the need to isolate myself from everyone else around besides my immediate family members and my LIP (Live-in Partner). 

I decided to log off of social media and allowed myself to rest from all the negativities scattered on several different online platforms.

And then we had our coaching session... During this one-on-one online meeting, I was able to express my thoughts somehow. I don't think I was able to say things clearly since my mind was all messed up with lots of thoughts running in it. Anyway, as I was talking, I was able to release tension. I felt lighter.

We did some meditation with eyes closed. I talked to my coach as if she was another person whom I find quite toxic. (LOL) I realized that things related to my connection with this "toxic" person had triggered my stress and anxiety several times in the past. It had always been like I knew what I would want to happen to resolve the conflict, but I couldn't do it for some reason. 

With that said, and in relation to this post's introduction, I was asked three questions. I know for sure someone out there could relate to me. To that someone, if you see this, please see the questions and my answers below. You might want to think through all three Q's and come up with your answers. The process has helped me, and it might help you too. 

1. Why are other people's opinions important to me? 

--I am still trying to understand myself better when it comes to this, but each time I try to analyze myself, it would lead me to memories of me being misunderstood and misjudged by people, including my parents, just because I don't have the courage to speak up. Some of my friends were misjudged by my parents, too, and I always felt like I failed them as a friend because I couldn't clarify things, I couldn't defend them. I would only leave it in my imagination and let the time pass and just forget about it. And that hurt me.

 --Maybe, knowing other people's thoughts help me make sure that I am not hurting anyone unintentionally, that I am on the right path and not doing the wrong things, and that I might have the chance to rectify my mistakes especially if these would impact others, too. But all these I would do quietly, so then I can make things right without the need for me to speak up. Speaking up is just so hard.

2. If other people did not agree with me how would I feel? 

--If other people didn't agree with me, my feelings would depend on what the situation is all about and the people involved. If what they think affects the people significant to me, or the connection I have with them, I would feel the need to find a way to somehow clarify things. 

--If it's just me, I'm all good. I usually experience this kind of situation with my partner. When I feel like we don't agree on some things, I would just stay quiet and try to understand his side because I know he means well. Although, if the situation has something to do with our relationship and if it would have a huge impact, it would bother me a lot. It might take longer for me to understand what's going on. When I finally do, it would still take time for me to gather the courage to say what I think and compromise. 

3. If I were to do what I want to do and not care about other people's opinions, how would I feel? 

--I am honestly not sure. There were times I think I've done this after a long time of making up my mind and gathering the strength to do so; it felt good, I felt lighter; however, a few of those times I got back to thinking about how they felt and it made me feel guilty and uncomfortable, like I'd done something wrong, even though I hadn't. I think it is the same for me up to now.

--

As we reached the end of our sesh, my awesome coach told me this quote: I am powerful, and I am in control of my own life. No one can ever take my power away from me.

I wrote this piece to serve as a reminder that while I may still get troubled sometimes, I should remember that I can be powerful, I just have to believe so. Also, the Lord is with me through my ups and downs. I am never alone. You are NEVER alone. We got this!